Compiled from http://www.codesqueeze.com/the-ultimate-top-25-chuck-norris-the-programmer-jokes/ with some original ones of my own.
To me, this guy is the world’s best drummer (aside from X-Japan’s Yoshiki and Kwon Soon Keun; skip to 1:00 for the drumming to start; my favourite part is 2:50):
These are from the Wii Fit manual (I didn’t photoshop them, I swear!)
Not only am I the president, but look at me. I am a beautiful man. My features, they are near perfection. My hair is like spun ebony silk. Every muscle on my sinewy body appears to have been carved by a loving God who loves only me. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BzoG0cLaWi8